Let´s have some Fun ... Post here your new Jokes

A virile, young Italian stud was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, So...you finish?
She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, No...
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks... So, you finish?
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, No...
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again... So, you finish?
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Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, No... I Norwegian!!

An eight year old goes for a walk with his dad. On the way they pass a ranch and see two horses doing IT. The eight year old is pretty amused and asks his dad the obvious question - " Hey dad, what are those horses doing ?". The dad is a little embarassed and replies "Son, they are making themselves a Baby pony !!". The son is impressed and continues the walk with his dad.

That night while the son is in the bathroom, he hears strange noises coming from his parents' room. He enters the room unannounced, only to find his dad and mom doing IT as well. The son says "Hey Dad, what are you and mom doing ?". To which the embarassed dad replies "Son, we are making you a baby brother!". The son thinks for a minute and says, "In that case, why don't you turn mom over and make me a baby pony instead ?"

Al Gore and George W. Bush found themselves in the same barbershop at the same time, seated side by side, getting the works. Their barbers finished shaving the two presidential candidates right about the same time, and each barber reached for some aftershave to slap on the customers' faces.

Bush shouted, "Hey, don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

Gore said calmly to his own barber: "Go ahead and put it on. *My* wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

...


And one again, which i reveived Yesterday :

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances" they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well", says the CIA man, "You're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test.

Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

someone79 wrote:

If you want to learn to be a spy, the CIA really is hiring. Good luck to everyone...
http://www.cia.gov/employment/jobs/pro_trainee.html

Elmo wrote:
No way!!
It says: An equal opportunity employer and a drug-free work force.
Don't they know "assasin" originally means "smoker of hashish"?
fools...

......

http://pix.nofrag.com/45/33/89238a2cbae6bc36200d95130e9f.mpeg

Proximer264 wrote:

LOL

The early Worm catches the Bird ... *cough*
Obviously its a Him!

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill.

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You !!?? No way! You get too violent when you drink."

Drink?

Proximer - I like your signature.

Tell this your Boss ....


A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology", says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to anyone!" The man below says, "You must be a manager!" "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. And, you're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it's my fault!"


Edit :


Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

An elegant looking older woman walks into a bar, holding a tiny dog in her arms. She walks to the bar and sits on one of the stools, right next to an old drunk. She places her little dog on the floor beside her, but before she can order a drink, the old drunk turns towards her, leans forward and vomits all over the floor, completely covering the little dog.

He stares at the floor, trying to focus his eyes when he suddenly sees the dog dripping in barf.

"What Hell??? I don't remember eating that!"

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers... "I don't weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk."
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Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."

"What," the other asks, "green?".

"No," says the first, " a bit sour."


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