Let´s have some Fun ... Post here your new Jokes

Why Shopping In Foreign Countries Is Not Easy....

Where can i find a copy of that little animation with the guy smashing his head against the computer? Been seeing it all over the place, but can't track down a copy.

(Cool post BTW)

Try right-clicking the little guy, and then choose "save picture as". That should work.

Got him! Thanks.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender puts an apple on the bar. The guy is pissed, he says I don't want and apple I want my drink. The bartender says, trust me, try the apple.

Well the guy gives it a shot and takes a bite of the apple and says, wow that tastes just like Jack Daniels. Turn it around says the bartender, the guy does and exclaims that tastes just like Coca Cola, what else ya got.

The bartender puts another apple on the bar and the guy grabs it and take a bite, damn that tastes just like Seagrams Seven. The bartender says turn it around. The guy does and says that tastes just like Seven-Up.

The guy tells the bartender, man if you could make one of these that tasted like pussy you would be a millionare! The bartender puts another apple on the bar, when the guy takes a bite the says, that tastes like shit!

The bartender says, turn it around!

Mechanic was checking out an Eskimos car.

"Hey it looks like you've blown a seal"

"No" replied the Eskimo wiping his face "I've just eaten an icecream"

This is a true story that an old girlfriend told me happened to her Mother when she was teaching.

"Miss Brown, Miss Brown, every morning I go into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom and I grab hold of Daddy's toes. But this morning it wasn't Daddy!!"

****ren are so honest.

Another one she told me.

Teacher "Ok does any one know what is an octopus?"

Student "it's an animal with 8 testicles"

Again true story.

A blonde and a lawyer were sitting next to each other on a long plane ride.
The blonde just wanted to take a nap, but the lawyer was bored and asked the
blonde if she would like to play a game. The blonde refused, but the lawyer
kept asking. Trying to make the game interesting, the lawyer says "Okay,
I'll ask you a question, if you don't know the answer, you give me $5. When
you ask me a question, if I don't know the answer, I'll give you $5". Still
the blonde refused. The lawyer persisted "Okay, I'll ask you a question, if
you don't know the answer, you give me $5. When you ask me a question, if I
don't know the answer, I'll give you $500". Finally the blonde agreed.

The lawyer asks "What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The
blonde reaches over and gets $5 out of her purse. The lawyer is pleased and
says "Okay, its your turn." The blonde asks "What goes up a hill with 3
legs, and comes down with 4 legs?"

The lawyer thinks and thinks, but can't figure out the answer, so he pulls
out his laptop and looks on-line. Still no answer, so he e-mails his friends
and asks if any of them know the answer. Finally the lawyer gives up and
gives the blonde her $500.

Wanting to know the answer to the question, the lawyer asks the blonde "So,
what does go up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?" The blonde
reaches into her purse and hands the lawyer $5, then rolls over and goes to
sleep.

O.k. here's a short vid clip which will probably make you cringe more than laugh. I suppose he "should've gone to specsavers"...

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. The girl said, “NO."

Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor; you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story.

The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200. Then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened......
She said, "The bastard used quarters!"

Modern Version of the Birds & Bees

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a
date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had
used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: You got Male

25 Signs That Your Getting Old

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any
of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to
bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook
up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed
up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those
%&@# ki.ds next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex
jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes
anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car
payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of
McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of
the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would
severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and
antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good
sh**."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast
time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces
"I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer
is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to
a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you
congratulate them instead of asking
"Oh sh** what the hell happened?"

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately
for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't
find one to save your sorry old ass.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how
many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because
he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh,
I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy
quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, a nd the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and
still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea
your father was a pharmacist."

A Lit.tle Girl's Pay Check

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a litt.le girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we can make a difference when we give a chi.ld the gift of our time...

A you.ng family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The yo.ung family's 5-ye.ar-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The li.ttle girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two-dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the littl.e girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a yo.ung age. The lit.tle girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The litt.le girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f---ing sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye....

Things to do in a lift:

1. When there`s only one other person in the lift, tap them on the shoulder
and
then pretend it wasn`t you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back
for
more.

3. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong
ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what
floor
you`re on.

5. Hold the doors open and say you`re waiting for your friend. After awhile,
let
the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How`s your day been?"

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
scream,
"That`s mine!"

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

8. Move your desk in to the lift and whenever someone gets on, ask if they
have
an appointment.

9. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they`d like to play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they
hear
something ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exit
with the passengers.

12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It`s okay. Don`t panic,
they
open up again."

15. Swat at flies that don`t exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, "Group hug!" then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut
up,all of
you, just shut up!"

19. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, and while peering inside, ask,"Got
enough air in there?"

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You`re
one
of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23. Listen to the lift walls with a stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Grinning, stare at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I
have
new socks on."

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space".