Let´s have some Fun ... Post here your new Jokes

A few short but funny video clips.

Left clicking the download button should play direct in your media player (if not then right click to save file as)

If a woman knows the offside rule...

how I quit smoking...

...

A BRUNETTE, A REDHEAD & A BLONDE all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?

The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her boyfriend for dinner date.

The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS. Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them.

"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday"

The Love Dress....



A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the
door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law
lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the
aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my
love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"John loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to
no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and Ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The
mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,
put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, lay on the
couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home.

He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

A West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf"?

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are than me. And you don't know a thing about cows....

Now give me back my dog."