Joke

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action. 'Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?'

'Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?' replied Batman
'I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want to take advantage of her.'
'Damn shame.' said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.

Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern. 'Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in comicland? '

'Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comicland, why don't you try her?'
'Well, we're sort of friends,' Superman said, 'but I didn 't realize she had gotten around so much.' and he flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart.
Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, 'I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I 'm here.'

So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed ___expression. 'What the hell was that??' she exclaimed.

'I don't know,' said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, 'but my ass is killing me.'

classic

What do Vi@gra And Disney Land have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for hours waiting for a two minute ride!

One day, Thomas the Tank Engine was merrily driving down the tracks when suddenly he leapt off the rails, drove into a field, round the field and back onto the tracks again! The passengers were shocked! Terrified even! At the next startion the Fat Controller strode up to Thomas angrily and shouted "What were you doing, Thomas! You know you must stay on the tracks at all times! You could have killed someone!"
Thomas explained quietly, "There had been a man standing on the tracks. Even when I got close, he just wouldn't move!"
"Thomas, Thomas, you are mad! Just to save the live of one man, you put all of your passengers in danger - they could all have been killed! You should have run the man over!" said the Fat Controller, sadly.
Thomas replied "That was what I decided, but when I got realy close, he started running around the field, and so..."

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

a man walks into a doctor's office with a mole on his head.
the doctor says "how can I help you, sir?"
the mole says "i want this man removed from my arse, please"

Thanks for the heads-up, AltonTowers...glad you pointed out this thread!

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach out and touch this person!'

So I did.......

what can i say?

LEASH?

LEASH?

I'd be happier if it was on another planet! Please, please, tell me it doesn't do porn. If it does, I might have to stop downloading the stuff just in case...

ok, moving right along from the 'Gotho-saurus.'

One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
The wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, her husband said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

ok, moving right along from the 'Gotho-saurus.'

One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
The wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, her husband said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Sorry about the 2x post...damn gateway errors!

Agent420 wrote:

I've been getting those a lot too lately. Seems to only happen on this site.

nx wrote:

Me too - busy busy busy site. It's fine in the local morning (now), but really crap in the local evening.