Joke

GENERAL CHAT
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Author
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 24, 2008 12:40 am
A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore."
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 24, 2008 12:44 am
This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" as he looked him up and down seductively. "Sure," he says and they are off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
ramblin'man
Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 24, 2008 4:12 am
BigPaulie, you are out of control. Laughing

I've got one dedicated to my old friend ESTEBAN. Mr. Green

RM

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One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorra",said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis nectar of the gods!" stated the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle.. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed: "Don't tell me you've got golf clubs!'"
Esteban
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Added: Mar 24, 2008 4:31 am
Laughing Laughing Laughing Very funny RM! Very Happy I got a great laugh out of that thanks!
Esteban
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Added: Mar 24, 2008 4:32 am
What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding???

One less drunk! Laughing Laughing Laughing
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 26, 2008 2:37 am
An Irish laugh for R_M and Esteban



A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 26, 2008 2:39 am
One more in good Irish spirit.

The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Quinns. At Quinns, you buy a drink, Quinn buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Quinn buys you another drink."

Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 28, 2008 1:00 am
One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!"

"I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won't call you 'the house builder' if you do that. No, no they don't!"

"I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either. They sure won't!"

"But if you fuck one goat......."
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Mar 28, 2008 1:06 am


An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my chi ld! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Esteban
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Added: Mar 30, 2008 5:04 am
Nice jokes bigpaulie426 I get a great laugh!

I have a load of jokes I must add some of the good ones here.
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Apr 05, 2008 8:48 pm
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Apr 05, 2008 8:50 pm
One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eighty dollars," the dentist says. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60." Looking annoyed the man says, "That's still too expensive!" "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20." "Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much." "Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10." "Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: Apr 05, 2008 8:51 pm
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know
you're upside down?" "Because the shit is running down my back!"
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: May 03, 2008 2:25 am
There were women waiting in a doctor's office.

They started talking and one women said, "I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I'm going to have another girl."

One of the other ladies said, "I'm going to have a boy, I was on the top."

The last lady started to cry.
The two other ladies asked, "Why are you crying?"
She replied, "I'm going to have puppies!!!
bigpaulie426
Very Respected VIP club member
Added: May 03, 2008 2:38 am
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove".

"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really good".

"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again".

"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing".

"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love".

"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
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