Freedom...

Hi guys.

After one month and half of silence, I'm back to fp. I missed this wonderfull place.

Subject of this topic is "freedom", because I'm single since a month and half...
I can't forget her, now she's already with another man, I'm glad for her but I don't have the words to describe my pain...

Any words of support would be helpfull. Please share your stories.




"I'm going down to shoot my old lady
You know, I've caught her messin' around with another man
I'm going down to shoot my old lady
You know, I've caught her messin' around with another man
And that ain't too cool "

Hi.

Well, I'm a sucker for love but also had these feelings many
years ago in my life. I know, sleepless nights, always thinkin
what she might do at the moment, not really hungry and even
if you stand in the middle of hundreds of people, you'd still
feel very lonely.

All I can say is that only time will heal your broken heart.
My mum always used to say, "hey, other mothers got nice
daughters, too". I said, "but I don't want any other girls if
I can't have her" and thought she would only tell shit but
after a while, I understood what she meant.
What I'm trying to say is, there is only one person who's
able to help you, no, it's not your ex-girlfriend or some
friends of yours, your mother neither, nope. It's simply
the person you can always count on, it's you. You're the
only one who can fight against this suffering with your
best friend at your side called time.

See, I for myself can't even remember when I last
loved somebody and it's pretty hard for me to trust
others in some way. The world is a cruel and cold
place and I've learned to act the same way. This is
not the way you should live by, it's just my personal
way to fight against my permanent, physical suffering.

No matter how deep you fall or what you might
lose in your life, you can always start from new
with something new...and just make sure that
it's better than the last time.

Anything is possible.

Rayden

Essentials and precious words Rayden, what you said have helped a lot. Thank you.

Thank you.

Rayden: Waaw...

...That was good.

thebaba: sorry for your los!!

Thank you for the compassion gionini, any support is more than welcome.

I went through the same thing as you for a full year and a half. Until one morning I woke up and realized I was in pain over somebody who didn't want me back. I asked myself time and time again why she didn't want me back and never had an answer for myself. My ex was with several guys after our break up and having the time of her life and like you I was happy for her but miserable for myself.

Here is the path I took and the path I am recommending for you. Just as if she had died, you have to have a period of mourning. So get on with your mourning but for your own sake do not let it drag on. Pick yourself up as soon as possible. Here's the good news! She didn't die! So, there is always a possibility of talking to her or seeing her again but why would you want to? She has moved on. Now, the next step is you have to find a replacement for her. Proceed with caution here because this girl is probably going to be a rebound girl. I picked someone who I wasn't really that attracted to and went out a few times and even banged her. After you are done with her and chances are you will be done with her at some point, start looking for your princess. She'll come along.

Trust me, I was right where you are now. I celebrated my 18th wedding anniversary recently and I am more in love with my wife today than I was the day I married her. BTW, the girl that crushed me made several attempts to get back with me but it was too late I was already madly in love with another.

To summarize for you....mourn, rebound, and then go get your princess!

We always say that the words are nothing against the feelings, but once more I was surprised by the quality of your answer and your ideas.
This is really helping me.

A big thank you froshman.

(Like Rayden, the rest is in pm.)

thebaba wrote:

You are welcome! I agree that words and ideas pale in comparison to feelings. Trust me though....one day you will look back and realize it was all for the best.

Good luck!

It will pass man..

I too know exactly what your going thought.. If I have only one piece of advice for you it would be, move on, turn the page.

Life is way too short for dwelling on the "why's" and "what if's".. If the "eX" wants to stay friends and your cool with this then let them do the work.

In my book, once the trust has been misplaced, that's the end of it. No second chances.

froshman wrote: Thank you froshman,
One of the positive thing about this rupture is that I really don't want to bring up my k|ds with a liar, if they are my real k|ds... Hopefully I avoid to make some with her.

NM8 wrote:Exactly what I mean : faithfulness.
You're right NM8 I just have to turn the page and find another girl but for the moment, even with what she did, my first thought in the morning goes to her, I feel a little better in the evening when I have some wine and do what I want, but I feel so lonely.
Thank you for your support NM8 this is really helping me.

Hi thebaba my cooking mate!

Sorry to hear this. I know what you are going trow, trust me, I just spent 6 month in the same shit. Relationships are them most beautiful and also hardest things in life. Time will go bye, just get up in the morning and go to sleep in the evening. With time you will meet the woman that makes you forget about your you ex. Al it takes is time!

cheer janjanjan

Hi jan, how are you my friend cook ?!

It's good to see you in this topic
Thank you for the very kind words, it is a real help. I try to take my time, I don't want to precipitated anything but I think I really need a girl, even if it's a bad idea, because I don't work like that.
I am a romantic, finally it doesn't sounds weird here, many of you guys show some compassion and fidelity, and I'm a romantic pervert also !
But I CAN'T MISLEAD my wife, that's the law, I hope the devil will stay away, even if now I won't be so naive.
I really try also to positive but that rupture in love is too recent, the days are so long...

See ya soon.

Hi thebaba,

I know oh so well the pain you're dealing with. Not all break-ups are the same, some are really hard on the soul. I'm days away from my first year anniversary with my new girl whom I love very much but I still miss the one that got away...
I know I'll eventually get over it completely but it's just so hard, I was convinced at the time that we would grow old together. I have not seen/spoken with her in over two years and I often wonder if I ever will again.

Sorry I couldn't even reply here sooner, it makes me dwell ya know...

Heard this Tesla song yesterday, remembered this thread and I just had to share these lyrics...

(Love Song)

So you think that it's over,
That your love has finally reached the end.
Any time you call, night or day,
I'll be right there for you if you need a friend.

It's gonna take a little time.
Time is sure to mend your broken heart.
Don't you even worry, pretty darlin'.
I know you'll find love again. Yeah.

Chorus:
Love is all around you. Yeah
Love is knockin' outside your door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.

Love is all around you.
Love is knockin' outside your door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.

Chorus / Outro:
Love will find a way.
Darlin', love is gonna find a way,
Find its way back to you.
Love will find a way.
So look around, open your eyes.
Love is gonna find a way.
Love is gonna, love is gonna find a way.
Love will find a way.
Love's gonna find a way back to you, yeah,
I know. I know. I know. I know.

Love that song even though (now) it almost makes me cry every time I hear it...
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Hi my fonzz !

It's good to see you here, thank you very much for replying, all the more if it was difficult.
I didn't know this song, but it's so hard to heard this right now...
I try to move myself, I've just signed on the site that begins by "mee" and ends by "tic", maybe I'll find there someone to change my mind, at least it's good for the ego

What we need is time detachment and courage.
Thank you for your support fonzz, I really appreciate.

Hard days :

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It's funny isn't it, how ppl see themselves as totaly unique individuals, seperate from everyone else simply because of past and present life experiences... Like our thoughts and emotions are somehow our own special thing that are only affecting us in a personal way that no one else can quite grasp. Even if they say they have gone through the same exact thing in the past, in our own minds we think we feel something different than they did.

You will get past it. We all have. But the pain... what exactly is that pain? Where is it comming from? Why can't you just not feel it and be happy? Why is it so strong? Ironically, the thing you want back the most at this moment, is the biggest reminder of that pain. For me, the hardest things to do day after day was sleeping without her body wrapped up with mine. Not the sex, just the physical body to hold through the night. That was absolute torture!

But let me clue you in on something you may not be able to "see" in your mental state today, I know i couldn't have. It's about the pain.

When your cought up in the middle of it as you are now, it's very hard to understand where it's eminating from. I think most everyone agrees on that. lol So at the time, we just kind of stop looking for it's source, which we mistakenly think is the actuall act of "being seperated" from eachother because it just gets more painful with each passing minute, and turn all our energy on how to "fix" it. And how much it hurts for it not to be fixed. And who should be the one to do the fixing. lol

This is a false goal. It does not exist. What has happened here is something so primal and deeply rooted in our subconcious that we except the false goal. This trickery is not easily understood or accepted especialy when emotions are in the drivers seat as they are now for you.

I'll try to make it short and to the point as i can. The pain has nothing to do with "you", or "her". We all, as you are now, have been and are being used by a creature whos' very existence is dependant each and every one of us. A creature so small that most will never know it exists, but at the same time is larger and smarter than all of us put together! It lives with us at all times. It has always been with us, coexisting silently. And we are all fooled by it. "It" is what we have named "genes"!

The gene-pool of life. We tend to think of genes as what makes up "our" DNA and makes us who we are(as individuals). This too is a trick. An intentional misleading by the creature. The truth is hard to consider for many...

We do not have genes in our bodies. "Our" genes were not created from the union of our parents... "Our" is an illusion my friend. The genes in your DNA are the same genes in mine. Genes = life. Life is its' own entity. It reaches past us humans. Life is ALL life. It doesn't discriminate between animals. It uses them! It uses us.

Life, genes, has one goal, and one goal only in this place... immortality! At all costs it must survive! That is its' purpouse. To live on and on forever until the end of time. It has found a way to achive this. The genes never die. They are immortal. Albiet slightly altered from one generation to the next, non the less... they live on and "we" are simply the temporary vehicles they inhabit from one life to the next. The goal is simple enough. Reproduce, merge with itself to create itself anew and thus attain immortality.

Life needs us to have sex in order for it to survive. "It" uses us to create a new version of itself through the birth of a baby. In any male female relationship that has some sence of strong bond between the two, the genes are going to release the right amount of chemicals into our brains at the moments that will force us to hold on to that bond and cherrish it! Why? Well, fron lifes point of view, it has a better chance for survival if the bond remains unbroken than if the two of you seperate. Seperate = no contact = no sex = no babies = death. Everything we do everyday is being inluenced by this drive. By the genes. They are a selfish creature. They don't care about who you think you are. They don't care about jim or carrol or steve or ian or jennifer or casey or wendy. They hide behind those names and control things from the rear of the bus, in the dark. Ever wonder why you do the things you do?

You are fighting the creature right now. Unfortunately this fight will last for years. Time won't heal it. Time WILL make you forget. It's been about 8 years now since i saw her last. Believe it or not, i have a hard time remembering what exactly she looked like. See, the genes have more important thing to do in the present. Once it is clear to them that you will never see her again they turn their attention to the now instead of trying to fix the sure thing you once had. Sure things are going to be the favorite as sex can be quickly brought into the picture.

So i hope if anything i was able to take your mind away from the genes for a moment or two. DON"T DRINK!!!! You see, since time is what the genes need to measure the distance of your old "sure thing" to where you are today, you need to give them as much time as you can. Use time as a weapon, like a poison. If you get drunk and start passing out every night you are loosing the fight. You will be making the genes pass out too and they will not know that a day has passed and they will persist as though the day really didn't pass because they can't remember it! So they will continue releasing the chemicals into you brain as though it were yesterday. GIVE them time. Use it! Don't let them use you.


There is a book that you can read to get a real description of all this. It's called The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Excellent reading my friend. Best of luck, hope you enjoyed my story.