Bad mouth Billy
it was billy's first day in a new school. his mother brought him into class and took the teacher aside and told her:
"you have to be careful about little billy, he'll swear at any chance you give him. he's been kicked out of every school in the county and if he gets kicked out of this one, we'll have to sell the house my mother left me and move out of state."
"ok i'll remember to be extra careful. thank you for the warning."
as the day went on the class covered math and art. went out to recess. went to gym and had lunch, came back and watched a science video until it was time for english.
the teacher asked the class "does anyone have a word that begins with the letter A?"
billy's hand immediately went up and a contented smirk crossed his lips. the teacher thought to herself
"i bet he wants to swear... what swear words begin with the letter A? ass, nope. i can't let billy say that." seing suzy with her hand up the teacher called on her.
"apple begins with the letter A"
"very good suzy! now does anyone have a word that begins with the letter B?"
to which billy excitedly said "ooh ooh! i do i do! pick me!"
thinking to herself again mrs. jones came up with "bitch and bastard" and then chose tommy instead.
"baseball begins with the letter B and has two Bs in it" he replied.
"very very good tommy! now does anyone have a word that begins with the letter C?"
billy leapt out of his seat and said "oh! oh! oh! pick me pick me!" while he hopped up and down impatiently.
mrs. jones thought to herself "cunt... cock... i definately can't give billy the letter C"
and so it went through the alphabet. with every new letter billy tried enthusiastically to get picked while the teacher found that every letter had a naughty word until she got to R.
"does anyone have a word that begins with the letter R?"
billy halfheartedly and dejectedly raised his hand. the teacher thought to herself "ra ray re ri ro ru ry... nope. i can't think of anything bad that begins with the letter R. poor billy. it isn't right that i haven't picked him yet as i've picked everyone else at least once already. besides... if there is a swear word that begins with the letter R, i'd like to hear it. ok. billy. what begins with the letter R?"
billy then stood up proudly and cleared his throat.
"rats. rats begins with the letter R."
"very good billy."
"yeah! rats with dicks this fucking long!"
Johhny and the mortgage
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he
could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's
father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house,
and you want me to buy you a bicycle??? Wait until Christmas!"
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. The father
said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo.
Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy packed all of his belongings in
a suitcase and walked out of the house. Concerned, the father
asked him why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and
I heard you say that you were 'pulling out,' and mommy said that
'you should wait because she was coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna get stuck with your $80,000
mortgage!"
Johnny and the trainset
Well Christmas came and went, and lil dirty jonnny got an electric train. His monm, from in the kitchen, heard him making trian noises, " All aboard!" and such. Then as she heard the train go around the the track once, she heard him say " ALL RIGHT, here comes the station. Everyone getting the fuck off the train, get the fuck off the train. Everyone staying the fuck on the train, stay the fuck on the train." She couldn't believe her ears, so again, the train went around the track, slowed down, and then," ALL RIGHT, here comes the station. Everyone getting the fuck off the train, get the fuck off the train. Everyone staying the fuck on the train, stay the fuck on the train." She ran into the living room , cried, "Johhny, for using such filthy language you can't play with your train for the next two hours." "Aww, gee whiz", he sulked. Two hrs. later he came back, she heard the train start up, then she heard " ALL RIGHT, here comes the station. Everyone getting the fuck off the train, get the fuck off the train. Everyone staying the fuck on the train, stay the fuck on the train. And if your mad about the two hour delay, complain to the fucking bitch dispatcher!"