Suggest these techniques.....
1. Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your
scrotum in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag
in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
2. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you shit on her
chest. (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
3. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then
jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from
someone else.
4. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before
you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and
then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous
sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be
knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
5. Golden Shower - Any form of peeing on a girl. (aka: watersports)
6. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage
area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful
jewelry.
7. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank
and you know you've got to give her the slip.
However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore,
you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of this
situation. Can be very painful.
8. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex
and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it
back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a
purple mushroom.
9. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back
and you are hammering her from your knees, you
carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up.
You then to flap your arms and let out a long,
shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.
10. Double Fishhook - From the doggy-style position, you hook your
pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve
deeper penetration.
11. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start
ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic
motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very
handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
12. Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to
insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named
because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving
it a bath.
13. The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going
doggy style and then just when she is really
enjoying it, you grab onto her tits as tightly as possible and yell
another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of riding a
bronco as she tries to buck you off.
14. Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not
wet enough. When you pull out to give her the
money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
15. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat
your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as
much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable
geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in
her bed)
16. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you
go down on her, you puke on her box. Happy
trails!
17. Dirty Sanchez - While banging a girl doggy style, quickly stick 2
fingers deep into her starfish, then reach around
and wipe the residue on her upper lip, providing her a mustache.
18. Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that
your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip
that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
19. The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It
involves having her suck you off while you're on the
shitter.
20. The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are
about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her
face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jism together.
21. Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is
punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
22. Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your balls,
repeatedly tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
23. Tossing salad - Well known by now. A prison act where one person is
**** to chow starfish with the help of
whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jello, jism, etc
24. The Fish Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in her
pooper. Thereupon, she turns around in a one-eyed
winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover
that it's her time of the month. By no means do
you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of
raspberry smothers your face.
26. The Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty Zena who has a
mane between her legs the size of Lionel
Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat. You
punch her.
27. The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty
fuck her.
28. Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is
for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher
proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2
knuckles required (either on one finger or on
multiple).
29. The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from
behind (with both partners standing), make sure
you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive
your hips into her backside so that the momentum
pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or
have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status
of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into
anything and not using your hands to grab onto
her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and
taking a dump.
31. Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head.
You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be
anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
32. The Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours,
reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls
on her face.
33. The Dutch Oven - Also well known. Whenever you fart while humping,
pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out
until all movement ceases.
34. Smoking Pole - Self Explanatory. Don't use fire.
35. Rusty Trombone - Getting the reacharound while getting your salad
tossed. Also known as milking the prostate.
36. Turkey Shoot - When you're coming, come on her face and let it drip
off her chin so it looks like that red shit on the
turkey's chin.
37. Stovepiping - Taking it in the Tush.
38. Rusty Anchor - After a healthy term of the Stovepiping, the
recipient gets to enjoy a good fudgesicle.
39. Sandpiper - A stovepiping on the local beach, desert, or playground
sandbox. Also known as the Sandblast.
40. Lucky Pierre - the middle man in a three way buttfuck. Also known
as the french sandwich.
UPDATED!!!! NEW LISTINGS!!!!
41.Divortex- A mystical place into which old friends are sucked when a
married couple splits up.
42.Blump- To suck someone's dick while they are taking a dump.
43.Bustard- A very rude bus driver.
44.Cold Faithful- Blowing your visibly-steaming load outside in the
winter-time, like when you get your cock sucked on a
ski-lift.
45.Grand pappy smash- To beat your meat so hardcore that it starts to
chafe and bleed.
46.Esplanade- To attempt an explanation while drunk.
47.Flatulence- The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
48.Butt Rodeo- When you're going at it with a girl, you flip her over
real fast, start ramming her in the ass and yell as
loud as possible "BUTT RODEO!" You then see how long you can ride her
till she tosses ya off!
49.Bargoyle- The hideous old hair-spray hag who seems to live at your
local watering hole. She usually smokes
endlessly, spends hundreds of dollars a night on video-poker, and makes
sexually threatening comments to frightened
college freshmen.
50.Pasteurize- Once you get her hairy bush pasteurize, you got it
licked!
51.Beerelevant- A point which does not seem to be particularly
important, given enough beer
52.Mangry- Describing the anger of women who are angry at men,
specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain
mangry."
53.Clitourist- A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed. ie:
"Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realized that
her new boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a
clitourist."
54.Stuffucking- The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in
hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too
drunk or she's too ugly. (see also; Fugly)
55.Antlers- Wide, flat, flapjack titties that come to a sharp point at
the nipples.
56.The Kangmin - while a girl is reciting bad poetry, you take her from
behind.
57.The Flaming Amazon- This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there.
When you're screwing some chick, right when
your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and
set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with
your jizz!
58.The Screwnicorn -When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead
and proceeds to go at her partner like a
crazed unicorn.
59.Split pissonality -When you're taking a leak and you get two streams
out of the one hole!
60.A Short in the Cord- A "code" phrase used by the common man to refer
to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex.
"Oh fuck! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the
cord."
61.Old Jism Trail -The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest
of someone who has just finished fellating a
senior citizen.
62.Abdicate -To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
63.Lymph -To walk with a lisp.
64.Anal Boot- An anal boot is when you take a pitcher of beer, everyone
spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and
then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the
waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
65.Australian Death Grip- The act of grabbing a woman by the
haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until
you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars.
Another great opportunity for wagering among
friends.
66.Fumilingus -When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman
and she farts directly in his/her face.
67.Intoxicourse- Having sexual intercourse whilst piss-drunk.
68.Valsalva -The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a
woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective
when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and
ensuing swallow that the woman is **** to do to
continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for
what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
69.Insta-gasm -Pre-mature ejaculation at the sight of a beautiful
woman. ie: "She was so fine, I had an insta-gasm before
I could get her clothes off!"
70.Manual Deconstipation -This is where you get out the hand cream and
go in manually for the hammerhead by
breaking it into smaller chunks and pulling it out a piece at a time.
71.Post Poodum Syndrome -The feeling of depression felt after
successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement
has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.
72.The Homolic Maneuver -Using your penis to dislodge an object
blocking a choking victim's windpipe.
73.Pegging - having a female take you in the rear with a strap on.
74. The UnderDog - after a hard session at the gym, your armpit muscle
begins to twitch; thus giving you the ability to
jerk a guy off with your armpit muscle.
75. The Twinkler - when you are 69ing a girl and you shove your dick
into mouth hard, and you watch her a-hole
"twinkle" as she gags.
76. Angry dragon - This involves the girl giving the guy head and as he
is about to cum slapping the girl on the back of
the head causing the cum to come out her nose. Great care should be
used to not slap her mouth shut.
77. Tony Danza - a takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony
Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl
from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before
she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and
punch her in the back of the head.
78. Alaskan firedragon - another good take off is one of the angry
dragon that is called the alaskan firedragon. When a
girl is giving you a blowjob, cum in her mouth unexpectedly and plug up
her mouth at the same time. Then whisper in her
ear "i have syphilis" so she spews it out her nose.
79. The Walrus - when she's giving u a blowjob and u cum in her mouth
unexpectadly, cover up her mouth and punch
her in the stomach.
80. The Fat Lip - If you get poison ivy and finger a girl, her labia
lips will swell. A la, the fat lip.
81. Sleeping Bag - If you're going down on a really fat girl, you pull
her enormous stomach roll of fat over your head.
82. Hummer Bird - when a girl is giving a guy a hummer, and he's
enjoying it, she bites on his bird.
83. Bloody Mary - when a drunk guy is going down on a girl and without
even realizing it after he's done, he realizes
Mary was very Bloody
84. The Houdini - this maneuver is accomplished while going at it doggy
style. As you feel you are about to cum, you
pull out and spit on the small of her back (making her think you've
finished...). It's at the point when she turns around
when *BAM!* You bust your load in her face (in the eye if you've got
proper aiming techniques down.) Also known as the
Doug Hennings and the David Copperfield.
85. Upperdecking - This one takes practice. This maneuver requires a
toilet with a tank above it, like the ones in most
homes. Instead of crapping in the bowl, you shit in the tank (i.e.
upperdecking). Now don't flush. When the following
victim flushes, the rancid waste fills the bowl. If you play your cards
right, it may ferment
86. Journey into darkness - This is the most disturbing of all. It
entails shitting into another person's asshole. Not for
beginners.
87. Rocky Balboa - dont shower for 2 weeks, then diarrhea down her
throat at any point during sexual contact.
88. Rocky Balboa Title Punch - same as the Rocky Balboa, but in that
non-showering 2 weeks all you eat is corn.
I don't usually do this, but I have to give credit to Sascha and Zach
for the next 2. I'm only doing this because they are
my bosses ****...
89. The McDonald's Quick Draw - Get your girlfriend to talk dirty into
the intercom, making the order guy start to beat
off. Then while pulling up to the window, have her give you falatio
till you are about to blow your beefy chunk-load. Upon
pulling up to the window, tell your girl friend to yell "Draw!". Then
on "three", both you and the guy blow your loads either
on her or eachother.
90. Uncle Jemima - the typical dirty chef at your local Denny's or
other low-class food establishment who occasionally
becomes disgruntled, and takes out his frustration on your meal, via
"the ass wipe" or the "French Toast Strut" seen in
Road Trip.
91. Airtight - this is where a girl has a cock in each of her three
holes, hence, airtight.
92. The Throne of Lightning - This is done by fucking a girl while you
shit in a toilet. When you're going to blow your
load, turn her over and dunk her head in the toilet, while she's
bobbing for your turd plummet a river of semen in her ass.
Not to be confused with "Ride the Lightning," a Metallica album
93. Abe Lincoln - You're getting a girl up the ass and give her a swift
donkey punch to the back of her head, knocking
her unconscious. You then turn her around and jerk off and blow your
load all over her face. Then you shave her beaver
and take the clippings and spread it where you jizzed on her, making a
beard that looks like good ol Honest Abe's.
94. Thanksgiving - Just like the holiday, Thanksgiving is when you do a
girl and then she puts her two big butt cheeks
on your face like holiday hams. An overcooked thanksgiving is similar
to this but instead of just putting the cheeks on
your head she farts on it too.
95. PEUM - An acronym coined by a group of drunk assholes that defines
the annoying (and uncontrollable) tendency to
piss in multiple directions after a raucous fuck: Post-Ejaculatory
Urinary Misfire.
96. The Beverly Hills Whiffer -This move is restricted to those women
who think they're God's gift to the world. Find a
woman of the above description. Take her home and start doggie styling
her. When you're about to blow, corkscrew two
fingers into her ass, sc**** as much shit as you can from her. Pull
out your fingers, reach around her head to stick one
finger in each nostril. Pull her head back so she can see you while you
yell "So, you think your shit don't stink now ?!"
97. Shanghai Shampoo - Fuck a chick until you've built up a load large
enough to paint a room. Blow it all in her hair,
rub it in thoroughly. When it dries it will resemble the crunchy
noodles often served with chop suey.
98 . Frosting the Cake - When you are about to cum, blow a load all
over her chest. Then take your dick and evenly
spread the Jism around the breasts and over the nipples. Then stick
some candles on it and start singing "Happy
Birthday." Then blow out the candles
99. Spicey Stanley - When a girl takes hot sauce and pours it on your
cock. She then proceeds to give you a blowjob,
making sure all of the hot sauce is gone.
That donkey punch one is a good way to end up with a dead chick in your bed. But I guess nobody would actually be stupid enough to ever try that one 